I pretty much feel like I am completely alone in the world. In the effort to deconstruct and reject all of the fucking bullshit socialization that I've been subjected to since, you know, I was in the womb... I have put myself in a really shitty situation. I am trying to go against something that does not seem all that unnatural to me. I've been inundated with images... and now I am just trying to reject those. Half of me is thinking "Fuck yeah! Rejectttt" but the other half is just like "Hmmm... reject what?? There is nothing *to* reject. This is just natural... my feelings are *natural*."

You can't argue with natural, right?

Too bad it is NOT natural. It is socialized. Fuck you socialized. Fuck you.

And it is my insecurity, which makes it even more difficult. It is my insecurity in someone else's body. How do you even deal with that?! How do you even work with that?!

I just want to say fuck this. Fuck all of this. But I can't. I just can't do it. I can't just fuck off my feelings. And how I feel. And how I am afraid other people feel, and what they think.

**What other people think**

Ahhhhh. I hate what other people think. I care. And I hate that I care.

:(