Lately I have been thinking a lot about the future. My life, and kids. Now, don't get ahead of yourself. I am not saying I want kids. I do not know if I want kids or not (which is a good position for a 21 year old guy who has no money and is lacking in person direction). But rather, if I have kids, how will I raise them?

How will I mold children to be good, in this world so bad? How will I show them the truth of society and inequality, without making them resent me?

These are hard questions to answer. I hope that I figure it out, if I plan on having kids.

I hope that I don't fuck them up. Or fuck myself up and end up crazy.

Then everyone will be unhappy lol.

Objectification

I don't understand how objectification works. And how that plays into behavior, and what is right.

I see the over-sexualized images of women in the media. Not only do I see the images, but I know their connection to male entitlement and misogyny.

This is a problem, and something that should be stopped. But how?

It does not seem right to say "Okay women, no more being sexual. Women who are overly sexual are perpetuating misogyny."

It also does not seem right to say "Men, women will be sexual, but you cannot pay attention to that. No more responding to sexual women. That is perpetuating misogyny."

Unfortunately, it seems that as long as women are overtly sexual, men will be objectifying. And that will result in entitlement and violence.

But there must be something else at work here. I mean, lets look at the gay community. There is a lot (LOT) of objectification in the gay community. And if a man takes his clothes off and other men look, I don't see a problem. I think it's great (well, probably because I am also looking). Why? Because, as far as I can tell, there is no strong connection to entitlement and violence. I've looked for studies even, and I haven't found anything. When it is man to man objectification, the violence, so it seems, just is not there. Or at least it is not as strong.

So why is the violence there with women? Why is there that direct correlation (causation even) between objectification and entitlement and violence?

And how can you make it stop?

I don't like the idea of a world where people cannot express their sexuality. Sex is a beautiful thing, and people are beautiful creatures. And, quite frankly, I enjoy the freedom to look and be looked at. I honestly don't mind being objectified. There are pictures floating around the internet to prove that. But, I also know that it is not going to contribute to anything negative, since I am a man. And I have privilege, as a man. (I hate saying that. But it is true, and I need to own that.)

Women should have the same right to look, and be looked at. I don't see how the "being looked at" part is bad. Maybe that is very anti-feminist of me. Maybe I need to learn more about sociology. Or maybe that is good. Maybe there really isn't a problem there. So then, where is the problem?

Where is this coming from? This violence against women. This entitlement that men have; that they can just take what they want from a woman, and that is their God-given right.

Maybe objectification within the straight community is different than within the gay community. I mean, I cannot speak for anyone else, but when I am objectifying someone, say by looking at porn, I know that these are human beings. They have feelings and emotions. They are people, that have rights, that have lives. They are not *just objects*.

Maybe in the straight community, with straight men, women are *just objects*?

And maybe there is entitlement and violence within the gay community, I just haven't used the right keywords in Google Scholar or EBSCOhost?

I am just completely lost. I don't know what causes these things. There is something else going on, most definitely. Maybe it is just all of the violent socialization that men go though, and that just gets reflected onto women, and then add in sex, and it's just a big, violent, sociological nightmare.

This is all very confusing.

This is a fantastic article

http://voices.kansascity.com/node/4884

It's a great letter to President Barack Obama discussing his lack of effort on LGBT issues, and addresses the myth that marriage has been this "unchanging" union for thousands of years.

Read it. It is great!

New mission: create a chapter of Stonewall Democrats in Seattle this school year.

It would be awesome!!

I am back!!

I have finally come back. Yay!

So, I want to talk about something that is more relevant to me today. And, something that I actually would love to study someday as a sociologist.

I am a gay man. And I have gay friends. And I have noticed something interesting in that group. Perhaps what I have seen is just localized to my friend group, I cannot speak to the validity of that (thus why I want to study it) but it is possible, so keep that in mind.

Anyway, what I have noticed is that gay men seem to have a co-socialization going on inside of their group. On one end, I think that gay men are socialized as men... to be masculine and have those traits. Perhaps in the form of violent masculinity, but more of what I have seen has been that damn sense of entitlement. That men can just take what they want, use it, throw it away and not think twice about it. Furthermore, I feel like a great portion of "attractiveness" from a guy comes from how many sexual partners he has had. The greater the number, the greater the level of attractiveness, or maybe "coolness".

At the same time, I think that gay men are socialized as a woman would be in our society. Obsessed with outward image, and ideal physical forms. A gay man is not good enough unless he has the perfect body, the perfect face, and shan't we forget about the penis. It better be a good one. And anything less, is just... not good enough. This I know is a reality. I've already read several papers this summer on this very phenomena. Gay men have a greater level of bodily dissatisfaction than heterosexual men. And even though they might be cooler or more attractive with that higher number... they are still sluts.

And maybe this is just for some. Perhaps this is just how the more "middle ground" homosexuals feel (e.g., not hyper masculine or feminine in behaviors). Perhaps when you move to either side of the spectrum... very masculine gay men, or very feminine gay men... things are different. I do not know.

But, either way, it is something interesting to consider. And regardless of the large scale significance, it is something that I know I've had to deal with.

I suck

Okay, I have not written anything in a while. I have not forgotten about my blog. Just with finals and then organizing a counter-protest... lots to do.

I will write an awesome entry soon!!!

It's everywhere

I'm realizing that the hardest part about all of this sociological education is seeing it everywhere. My brain has not stopped thinking about this since the first week of class. It started looking at people and wondering "Hmm, I wonder if they are genetic males or females? They have such and such traits, perhaps this is an androgen insensitive male?" or such things. This was not emotionally taxing, but rather just an interesting way of seeing the world.

Now days it is watching movies and thinking "Hmm, here is one more example of females being told that sex is truly their only asset" or "Hmm, this message was very clear... men are superior to women... as shown by the fact that that man just pushed a woman's head down to shut her up." This is very emotionally taxing, and though it is good and an interesting way of looking at things, it takes a large toll on me.

Even in movies where this gender structure is portrayed satirically, it ends up leaving a sting on my emotions. Sure, this movie (or what have you) is presenting terrible gender socialization in a humorously mocking light (which is nice)... but the structure is still there. All one would have to do to see that is turn on MTV and watch some music videos. And not only is it still there, it is incredibly overbearing.

I keep telling myself (reminding myself) that social structure changes. These things shift. And they can shift for the better. Compared to 60 years ago, we have made significant strides in making a more equal society. Look at women's rights. Look at gay's rights. No, not all of our goals have been achieved, but we're making head way.

That being said, it is so easy to let the structure get the best of you. It is big and it is powerful. And it does (and will) take much effort to change it.

There is something else that I want to talk about today.

We watched another movie in sociology today (This one was called Dreamworlds 3*). Another very hard, very real look at the way things are in our society. There was a lot of information given in the movie, but going with what Dr. McKinney told me last week, I feel it is most important to simply write about those parts that really hurt me the most.

For the first while of the film, it was interesting but nothing that I hadn't seen before. It involved a lot of practically naked women dancing very sexually. The music had been stripped so what we saw was the video and what we heard was the narrator. In doing this, it gave an interesting perspective on these videos. Unfortunately (or ingeniously) because there was no verbal or other auditory stimuli, it became very hard to pay attention (I've grown up in a world where TV scenes change every 15 seconds, give me a little break). All of the sudden (so it seemed) the movie took a huge dive into a very hard issue, and my attention was locked. I sat in my chair and absorbed things that I, as a male, have never even considered to be a part of life (for men or women).

It all comes down to entitlement. Men, as the culture tells us, are entitled to women's bodies, which are nothing more than sex objects for men to use to make their fantasies reality. They (we?**) don't consider that women might not want these advances (or they/ we just don't care). What is so hard about this, is that it becomes violence... which becomes what? The movie didn't answer that question, but I don't think it needed too. What happens to a girl who becomes raped because the social structure said that you, as a man, get to take what you want from women when you want it? I haven't read much literature on rape, but I've know girls who have been raped or sexually assaulted, and I've seen the damage that that can do to a girl or even an adult woman, and I know that it is not a pretty thing or anything easy to overcome.

What happens to the girl who gets beaten by her husband because the structure tells him that women are not worth more than to have sex with, so when she does something wrong, she gets punished by her husband in the form of physical violence? I do not know anyone (that I am aware of) who has been beaten by her husband, but I've heard and read accounts. Enough to know that this is incredibly damaging as well.

This is what we are constructing. It is not the tight, skimpy outfits that get me upset. It is not even the violence itself that gets me so upset. It is the after math. What becomes of these women who have had their bodies defiled because men were entitled to it? That is what make me cry.

I have more to say about violence, and some interesting thoughts on where it comes from (that I read in a paper this week by James Gilligan) but I will save that for a different time.

*This link takes you to a site that gives you a preview of the movie and a synopsis.

http://www.mediaed.org/cgi-bin/commerce.cgi?preadd=action&key=223

**I am not sure if I should include myself in the group of "generalized men" or not. Yes, I am a man. However, I do not have the same traits that many men in society have, especially after taking this class. I am uncomfortable with the idea that I would be lumped into that category, but it might be appropriate. In all honesty, I just don't know.

Feminism

There was another part of that video that really punched my emotional capacity in the face.

There was a section of the video that discussed the feminist movement. The video includes words from a few big men in the media (Pat Robinson, Rush Limbaugh, I forget the others... watch the video). The general consensus from these men's message was that the feminist movement was created by ugly lesbians. Really? Ugly lesbians.

I have a problem with this. First of all, this gives the message that only women who COULD NOT attain status though sex appeal (because they don't have it apparently) would be a part of something so ridiculous and evil, which just reinforces the message that I talked about above. (e.g., the way for girls/women to attain status is through sex).

Also, this message tells girls that if they are a part of the feminist movement, they are a lesbian. And in an already largely homophobic culture this would have significant impacts on ones behavior. I am sure that truly straight women who are constantly being called a "lesbo" because they believe in women's equality would be damaged and in many cases just revert back to the norm, just like a gay man who is called a "fag" because of his behavior is damaged and in many cases just gets pushed further and further into the closet (been there).

I just find it so upsetting that the dominant, masculine culture is giving this message about the feminist movement... Considering that this is a movement to empower women and give them freedom and equality. These are things that women should have and should not be afraid from attaining. Of course the culture at large thinks differently.

It is really hard for me to hear things like this. I am a very personal person. My sister is a lesbian and she is beautiful. She is also a feminist. Fuck you media messages that make her out to be something she is not... putting a bad connotation on her living her life the way she should be (as she is, and fighting for what she believes in).

Sociology is very hard. Not just because you have to learn things, but because the things you are learning impact you on a personal level. It is hard talking in class and thinking "Oh, so this is the pointless reason that people hate women, or homosexuals, or blacks."

Now, I am going to go out on some thin ice here... I don't know many black people. This is not my fault. I just don't know many. So, black issues are not as personal to me, because it is really hard for me to attach a face to that. (I do think that any discrimination, including that against blacks is wrong. It is just not an issue that is going to make me cry, where as others do.) Discrimination against women and homosexuals is completely different. I have faces, many faces to attach to that. It is actually really hard for me to learn these topics.

It is an injustice and one that has no real REAL meaning. There are the reasons, but those reasons seem so trivial to me. This world would be a much better place if issues like this did not exist. Because discrimination makes both sides look bad.

Take male vs. female. Females end up having all the problems that I've talked about. So what about men? We are the victimizers. I have never hurt a woman as far as I know (Okay, I told Kathryn that her paisley shirt was not a good idea, but that was just me being a good friend).

We are assholes, dangerous, etc.

This is wrong. And something should be done about it. Period.

New Blog, First Post, and Misogyny in the Media

Okay, so, I am making this. It is new. This blog is not really for venting about things. Well, it is. But different things. Mainly, I want this to be about me writing about my experiences thought my newly cut back SOCIOLOGICAL LENES! That's right. Basically I am going to be writing a lot about the gender paradigm, heternomativity, hyper-masculinity, the media, and how all of this effects who we are and how we live our lives.

I'll probably also get into politics and such. Because I like that shit.

So, if you are ready to be informed, read my blog.

The past couple of days I've had significant troubles with my life, or rather with the things that I do, watch, listen too, etc. For example, I recently started listening to Lady GaGa (I am a total homo, I know). She has a good voice and some nice electronic beats floating through her music, which is appealing to myself. She is also perpetuating a very big and real problem.

Last week we watched this documentary in Sociology of Gender called "Generation M"*. It was a fantastic documentary by Dr. Thomas Keith concerning misogyny in media. There were two parts of the documentary that really stuck out to me. The first one was the idea that women gain status and are liberated though their physical attractiveness and their sexuality. We see this all the time (and this is where Lady GaGa and such women tie in). Watch some music videos on MTV. I guarantee that it won't take more than 10 minutes for you to see a woman dancing very sexually with a man, in probably little clothes. Personally, I do not have a huge issue with this. I think the human body is a beautiful thing. What I have a problem with is that young women are told that this is how to gain status. But, it gets worse.

These girls who follow what the media is feeding them gets a very different response from their immediate culture (family, peers at school, etc.). Here, they are considered and probably actively called sluts, whores, etc. The media gives them this idea that women attain status though sex, so girls do that, and then they lose respect for being a slut. They may be accepted, but they are not given status or respect. They are just a slut.

So what becomes of those girls who don't follow the social norms? Well, the documentary did not discuss this. However, I think I can make some safe assumptions here (keep in mind, these are anecdotal as far as I know. I haven't studied the literature) based on other accounts. A girl who disregards the cultural norm is deviant, and thus weird, and thus discriminated against (because that is just what we do with deviance... we fight it).

So, going back to the girls who do just go with the culture at large and try to fit into this over-sexualized behavior... it gets even worse for them. Think about it. What happens when a girl gets taken advantage of? Or raped? In many cases, one of the things that you will hear is "It is her fault. That girl worse short skirts, and she danced provocatively with guys. She gave men signals, and men cannot be blamed for acting on signals". I certainly have heard things like this before. It is not the man's fault, it is the woman's. She made herself a whore, men cannot be helped for taking advantage of that. Most or all of the blame is removed from the man and put on the girl, even though the girl didn't want the sexual advances and potentially was fighting against them**. Furthermore, this girl was most likely simply trying to fit in and attain status, just like any girl would. This is natural. The desire to fit it in natural. It is evolutionarily based in species like our own (herding species).

So essentially what is going on: girls are fed this message to be over-sexualized, if they do not align they are deviant and lose respect, and if they do align they are considered sluts and lose respect, and if anything happens to them it is their fault because of that.

How is this okay? First it puts women in a terrible position. They must make the choice between prude or whore. There really is no middle ground, as far as I can tell. As for men, we are considered mindless drones who see a pretty girl and fuck her, and it is okay (even if is not okay, it is not our fault).

Seriously? This is fucked up.

*Link to other blog, with trailer and synopsis for Generation M

**It is interesting to note that many men who rape girls actually believe that girls want it. That when a girl says "no" they really mean "yes". And this idea is perpetuated by the media as well. (Have you ever seen Gone with the Wind for example?)

I'd like to note: I do not blame individuals like Lady GaGa or Britney Spears or what have you for perpetuating these things. Because, as far as I know, they were just like every other woman. The only difference is that they actually attained status with their sexuality, and with their status came money, which gave them more status (I'll get into status and money some other time). I'm not coming down on those women. I am coming down on the fucking social structure.

Alright, time for sleeping. I'll write more about the movie later.